We all know wanting to be liked is a very normal human trait. But when it starts seeping into your personal and professional life like an uninvited houseguest who overstays their welcome, it can leave you feeling burnt out, resentful, and even at risk of damaging relationships.
People-pleasing is the sneaky little gremlin that erodes your confidence, drains your energy, and leaves you wondering why you’re exhausted, underappreciated, and saying yes to things you don’t even want to do.
Here’s the kicker—it doesn’t just mess with your work life (hello, taking on extra tasks when your plate is already full). It also seeps into your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, and even employees, making you the go-to person for favours, emotional labour, and endless compromises.
So, how do you know if you're prioritising others over yourself? Here are a few telltale signs:
1. Your Communication is as Clear as Mud
You overexplain your decisions, boundaries, and time commitments.
You say yes when you mean no.
You downplay your own needs and opinions instead of confidently owning them.
Pro tip: Clarity and confidence are magnetic. Wobbly communication? Not so much.
2. Your Boundaries are… What Boundaries?
You let meetings, conversations, or favours run over time because you “don’t want to be rude.”
You agree to unreasonable requests out of fear of disappointing others—whether it’s a boss, a friend, or a needy relative.
You shuffle your entire schedule to accommodate someone else (ever cancelled personal plans because someone else needed something?).
You avoid saying no—even when you know you should.
Pro tip: People who respect you will respect your limits. Set them. Enforce them. And watch the magic happen.
3. You Avoid Tough Conversations Like They’re a Storm You Can’t Weather.
You sugarcoat feedback because you don’t want to upset anyone—whether it’s a colleague, a friend, or a family member.
You let people push past your limits because “it’s just this once” (but it never is, is it?).
You’re already overstretched, yet you still offer help or favours before anyone even asks.
Pro tip: Avoiding potential conflict doesn’t keep the peace—it just creates resentment (yours, mostly).
4. You Crave Validation More Than Your Morning Coffee
You collect achievements, qualifications, and responsibilities just to prove you’re worthy.
You take on extra work, emotional labour, or favours hoping people will finally see your value.
You overshare personal struggles to be “relatable” instead of maintaining a strong sense of self.
Pro tip: The people who truly respect and appreciate you don’t need convincing—they need confidence and clear boundaries.
What’s the Cost of People-Pleasing?
Every time you engage in these habits, you unintentionally train people—colleagues, friends, family, employees—to expect you to be endlessly accommodating. And guess what? The people who do respect time, energy, and expertise are naturally drawn to others who do the same—leaving you out of the loop.
So, how do we fix this?
Own Your Value – Stop justifying and overexplaining. Your needs and time matter.
Set (and Stick to) Boundaries – The first person to cross your boundaries is you. Time, energy, and emotional labour have limits—honour them, and honour yourself.
Speak with Confidence – Drop the wishy-washy language. Whether you're leading yourself or others, choose words that are clear and empowering.
Challenge Your Fears – Worried about disappointing people? The right ones will stay when you stand in your power.
Lead by Example – You’re not just setting boundaries for yourself; you’re showing others how to do the same.
If you're ready to break free from people-pleasing and feel more empowered and fulfilled in every area of your life, there are some opportunities to work with me as your coach below.
Here’s to speaking up, standing firm, and putting yourself first - with kindness and grace.
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