The Hidden Reason You Keep Choosing Work Over Yourself

Have you ever told yourself, and maybe even others, that you’ll focus on your dreams, your health, your relationships, the next chapter of your life - just as soon as work slows down?

If the answer is 'yes', you're not alone. Many professionals say they want to make time for themselves but struggle to pull their focus away from work. The common narrative? "Things are just too busy right now. Once things settle, then I’ll…"

But what if 'too busy' isn’t the real reason? What if it’s not about prioritising work over ourselves, but rather, about something deeper?

The Hidden Rewards of Work

It’s easy to say we put work first because we have to—because of deadlines, responsibilities, or expectations. But let’s be honest: work also gives us something else. A hit of accomplishment. The feeling of being needed. The validation of being seen as important. Maybe even a sense of control, power, or financial security that feels hard to step away from.

When we were kids, many of us were praised for working hard, for getting good grades, for achieving. That kind of reinforcement is powerful. It teaches us that productivity equals worth. So is it any wonder that, as adults, we keep chasing that same praise through our work? Even when it comes at the expense of the things we say we want?

Is It Really Work We Can’t Step Away From—Or The Validation It Brings?

If you’ve ever struggled to prioritise something outside of work, you may wish to ask yourself:

• Do I feel guilty or anxious when I’m not being 'productive'?

• Do I tie my identity to my job or title?

• Does work give me a sense of accomplishment I've been unable to find elsewhere?

• Am I afraid of what people might think if I slow down?

• Do I equate busyness with success?

If any of these resonate, then maybe it’s not just that work is demanding. Maybe work gives you something you don’t want to lose—even if it means putting personal goals and dreams on hold.

The Fear of Stepping Away

And then there’s the fear factor. If we take a step back, will we be seen as less committed? Will we fall behind? Will we still be respected? For some, it’s not just about validation—it’s about survival. Work feels like the thing that holds everything together, and pulling back feels like a risk.

But what if the real risk is never making space for the life you say you want? What if one day you look back and realise that "one day" never actually came?

A Challenge For You

So here’s a thought experiment: Imagine you had to shift your focus, even slightly. What would you choose? What would it feel like to take an action toward your goals today—not just your company’s?

And, what’s one small move you could make right now, without waiting for 'the right time'?

Because here’s the truth: work will always be there. But your time? Your dreams? Your wellbeing? Those are yours to protect and create.

Janelle Ryan is a globally recognised Personal Coach, celebrated for her unwavering commitment to helping individuals achieve extraordinary results. She is the founder of Sky High Coaching, an author, international retreat leader, workshop facilitator, and an engaging, inspirational speaker. 

Janelle specialises in empowering ambitious professionals to broaden their horizons, manifest their personal and professional aspirations, and effectively lead and inspire others. Her extensive client portfolio includes executive and emerging leaders, entrepreneurs, professionals and creatives.